Ayoon wa Azan (Without any restraint)

A man beat up another one, and the police arrested him and charged him with impersonating a security man. The above applies to every Arab country. Some scourges actually call for laughter, and therefore I will stick to jokes today. - I read that meat is rotten, a gallon of gasoline now costs 40,000 Lebanese Pounds, and people are dying at the door of hospitals. So what did the Lebanese do? They staged protests to call for the rights of the Syrian people. - Amidst the current Egyptian events, a football player asked the local imam if it was a sin for him to play football on Fridays. The imam replied: I have seen you play, and you are committing a sin no matter on what day you play! - The young men of the Tahrir Square must realize that money comes before work only in the dictionary. - For some people, falling in the Nile is an accident but being rescued is a disaster. - In the west, the courts ask people to tell the truth, all the truth, and nothing but the truth. Had a candidate for elections in an Arab country been asked to do that, he would have given three different answers. - In India, married women have a red dot on their forehead. In our countries, married women have a black eye. - Arabs are romantic. They dream of taking their wives out to dinner by candlelight and watching a soccer game. - A husband in our countries is like a photographer: he wants his wife to sit still and smile. - An Arab student who was as smart as his dad complained that his teacher knows nothing and keeps asking questions all day long. - The four seasons in the Gulf are all summertime. If the temperature drops below 50 degrees, the people there feel cold. - In Gulf farms, cows make powder milk and hens lay boiled eggs. - In Saudi Arabia, only hot water comes out of the faucet. - Half the Arab women would like to travel abroad but aren’t able to do so because they are heavier than their passport photo. - A pregnant woman delivered twins, and her husband insisted that he wanted to know the name of the second baby’s father. - A man went to the library and asked for a book on the Arab inventions in modern history. The librarian told him to look in the fiction section. - An Egyptian citizen said: Of course I wanted to vote for the best candidate, but he didn’t run for elections. - What is the main difference between a settler and a cow’s behind? There are fewer flies on the cow’s behind. - When I read about “illegal settlements”, I think that all settlements are illegal. Occupation is illegal. The Israeli government is an illegal criminal gang. Israel is entirely illegal and will remain so until the establishment of the Palestinian State and until the Palestinians grant legitimacy to Israel. - Arabs speak intelligently about unimportant matters and stupidly about important matters. - A man asked for a driving permit for his horse. The employee in charge wondered: What makes you believe that we provide driving licenses for horses? The man replied: Because you provide them to donkeys. - Alzheimer’s is a social disease: every day you meet people you don’t know. You plan a surprise party for yourself. You send yourself a gift. If you forget a name, a face, or a birthday, nobody blames you. - At the gate of the presidential palace, a man tells the guard that he wants to run for president. The policeman looks at him in disdain and says: Are you mad? The man replies: Why? Is this a prerequisite? - If you have a thought, do not write it down. If you have a thought and write it down, do not say it. If you have a thought, and write it down and say it, then you have only yourself to blame. - The rule of law prevails in our countries, unless you’re a man or a woman. - The Arab revolutions uprooted the Arab dictatorships and provided citizens with opportunities…for better dictatorships.  --- The views expressed by the author do not necessarily represent or reflect the editorial policy of Arabstoday.