England v West Indies live

Everybody loves being at home. You have your favourite chair, you can lay your hat, and you don't get judged. This means you can unashamedly release your inner moron, whether it's by practising your falsetto in the shower, sculpting a Ferris Bueller mohican, frat-humouring yourself, watching Police Academy 6 seven nights in a row, or falling asleep during Police Academy 6 and waking up in a pool of your own drool. You can even prance around naked if you want (in theory. You got nuthin on me, officer.) After a frequently chastening winter, England are back at home – on their manor, on their patch – where they have been almost unbeatable under Andy Flower: their Test record in ENgland since he took over in 2009 is P20 W14 D4 L2. The highlight of the summer is the series against South Africa, the thought of which is already making grown men tingle almost as much as the new Beach House album. Before that we have 977 Fifty50 and Twenty20 matches, and first this three-match Test series against a promising but ultimately inadequate West Indies side. Only two higher powers – the weather and Shivnarine Chanderpaul – can realistically stop England winning 3-0. After performing heroically on dead pitches all winter, England's magnificent seam attack should seriously enjoy the green, green grass of home. An early email from Andy Wilson at Lord's "Cloudy, as you're obviously aware. Scorecard has Finn on it as third seamer, and Samuels at six in a Windies team with four seamers and no Shillingford. The new Investec sponsorship means free cuddly zebras in the press box. England in huddle now, looks like Boycott presenting Bairstow with his cap."