Living with an alcoholic partner

Living with an alcoholic partner Drinking getting out of hand? If someone you love has a problem with alcohol, here's how you can help In our fast-paced lives, almost everything happens over a couple of drinks. It doesn't take long for the 'couple of pints' to turn into a habit and then snowball into an addiction. Alcoholism is not as much of a problem in India as problem-drinking is. Alcoholism is a dependence or high tolerance of alcohol, whereas problem-drinking is when it's far less obvious, but the effects are long term and sometimes fatal.
So if you suspect that your partner or spouse has a drinking problem, you may not be completely off the mark. We get Dr Harish Shetty of Dr L H Hiranandani Hospital, to help you recognise the symptoms and help your loved ones.
Know the symptoms
"It is firstly important to realise that those with a drinking problem are not necessary bad people. Drinking in not a bad habit, it is often a sad habit," explains Dr Shetty. He says that often, a drinking problem occurs from an unfortunate incident in one's life or unwarranted stress.
Some signs to look out for:
- If they tell you that they are going out with friends and come home much later than promised, they have probably been out drinking
- If they crave activities which involve drinking and try to attend as many events that serve alcohol as possible
- If they show a lack of interest in work, a reduced level of efficiency, make more careless mistakes and have a tendency to miss or delay deadlines
- If they promise to drink only one large peg, which more often than not end up being many more
- If they start drinking alone or enjoy a drink or two with every meal and even insist on you joining them for one
- If they start showing increasing signs of road rage, irritability or verbal and physical abusiveness
- If they show signs of weakness, low haemoglobin or vitamin levels and a reduced sex drive.
How to cope
Being harsh with your partner will only make them more reclusive and angry, driving them more to the habit. You must gently ask if there is a problem or some anxiety, with which you can help. This might help them verbalise the issue and realise that they have a problem. Asking them to immediately quit altogether may not be advisable; ask them to reduce the frequency and the number of drinks consumed, for starters.
In bigger, Indian joint families, sometimes you, the spouse, may not be the easiest person for them to come to. An uncle, aunt or cousin may be a better option. Also, the family doctor or general physician also can double up as a counsellor. Alternatively, some spiritual or religious gurus can also provide a helping hand.
Often, depression is the cause of drinking problems. Therefore, it is imperative to first identify this issue, its cause and help the partner deal with it. In case, they refuse help or even to acknowledge that they have a problem, sometimes admitting them to the hospital against their will may be the only solution. Remember that you are doing this for their own good, so there is no need to feel guilty.
The risk of relapse
Finally, Dr Shetty insists that those who have a genetic history of alcoholism or are seriously in need of rehabilitation should never touch alcohol ever again. Even a small slip could lead to a serious relapse. And if this does happen, do not lose your temper or discard the person, they should be considered unwell and in need of help and companionship.